It's With a Heavy Heart...

This post is difficult for me to write and therefore hard for me to share...so please bear with me.

When I started teaching 9.5 years ago, I was in love. I had an amazing class full of what I call vanilla-deaf kids (meaning they were just deaf- there weren't any other concerns). They were unable to meet the demands of a general education classroom, but they were functioning kids nonetheless. I loved that class. Sure, there were behavior issues (aren't there always?), sure there were compatibility issues (mostly stemming from the fact that these kids had been together since Kindergarten and they needed new friends), sure there were academic issues (otherwise they'd have been mainstreamed), but overall it was great. The following couple of years were good too. Not as great, as the higher kids had moved into the other room (I can't teach them forever, right?), but still good. And then it happened. The downfall...I had never had a problem teaching the same kids for up to 4 years (K, 1, 2 and usually a repeated year), but then a group of students came in that weren't functioning. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. But let me explain- they came in with severe behavior issues, severe academic issues, severe social/emotional issues, no parent communication...suffice it to say they were/are the toughest group I've ever had to teach. I watched as one of my student's emotional issues got worse and worse and there was nothing I could do about it because no one believed me (except for those of us in the trenches everyday). It got to the point where I was being beaten up daily and not lightly either- I was being punched in the face, bitten, kicked, scratched, hair pulled, told to f*** off, spit at, and just generally abused. I had no support from the parents or administration. I was basically told that because I was an ESE teacher it was part of the package and I was expected to take it. Needless to say, this was where my love of teaching this extremely special group of students began to wane. I felt completely drained- mentally, physically, and emotionally. I was forced to watch as one student's mental health took it's toll on her and the rest of the class as I was unable to teach everyone else while attempting to handle her. This went on for 4.5 years and got worse and worse each year. And the lack of support from my administration also got worse and worse as they refused to do anything to provide support. The day they removed her from my class and placed her in the classroom next door, they assigned her a unique aide (a paraprofessional assigned directly to her needs)- which she's had ever since. That action showed me how much my administration disrespected me. I was angry, beat down, sad, and ultimately disenchanted with the entire system.

But I soldiered on. I tried to get back to teaching the rest of the students in my class- but then another behavior issue came about. This time SEVERE ADHD.  Again, we were in survival mode. This was the next student I watched get worse and worse. He's unable to retain any information and needs someone sitting directly next to him to control his behaviors. It's absolutely ridiculous. We've tried EVERYTHING to help him, but nothing is sticking. I mean, I've never been a proponent of medication but this is a child that we were practically begging the parents to look into it (they continue to refuse to even consider it, by the way). Summer came, and, again, I'm exhausted. My own health and well-being was suffering and I couldn't take much more. I took the summer to regroup and began to believe that next year would be better- I came up with ideas and ways to help my students become more independent and to generally function better. And there was a bright spot- a new principal was coming in and who knows what that would bring (mostly negatives, by the way). I started this year with 3 new students, 3 returning, and 1 that came to us in December. But here's where the problem lays- my classroom has become a dumping ground for these unique kids who have a plethora of issues and oh, yea, can't hear on top of it. And in our county their deafness trumps everything else, so they'll always be placed in a D/HH setting regardless of their disabilities. And in more and more cases, that's not the best placement. Without violating HIPPA laws, let me just say that of the 7 students I currently have only 3 are functioning close their assigned grade level, the rest are below a Kindergarten level. There are expected to be 3 students coming in next year all of whom are way below their assigned grade levels in addition there are severe medical concerns too. I know that it's not these kids' faults they were handed this life. They do the best they can. But the lack of support, communication, and desire is unbelievably draining.

Let me be clear- I have the utmost respect for teachers of physically disabled and intellectually disabled students. I know I could never handle that. It's not for me and I'm perfectly willing to accept and admit that. But now that's what I'm being expected to teach. My degree is in Deaf Education but I'm no longer teaching those vanilla deaf kids anymore...I'm still in love with the idea of teaching these very special learners, but that's not the reality anymore.

I never wanted to be part of the statistic of special education teachers that leave the field due to burn out or various other reasons (it's something like 20% annually). I never wanted to give up (which is how I see it, whether that's accurate or not). But I know that I can't continue like this. I dread getting up and going into work everyday and I'm not happy. So, for my own health and well-being, I'm choosing to exit this particular field of education. I was lucky enough to have a great friend who got me an interview at a different school and I've opted to take on a first grade general education class next year. It's extremely bittersweet. I'm sad to be leaving the school I've called home for the past 9.5 years and the friends I've made. But I'm looking forward to a change net year.

If you've stuck with me throughout this long post, know that I'm grateful for you reading to the end. This post was written on an emotional roller-coaster and so it's longwinded, maybe too honest, and maybe jumps around without clarifying (sorry!). I'm hopeful you can understand where I'm coming from and not resent me too much. I hope you continue to check back for updates (as I'll still be blogging, just with a new purpose), and I hope you appreciate my honesty. For those of you who continue to trudge through the mud daily, know that I continue to respect and admire you for all that you do. I know what you're going through, and should you ever make the same decision I have, know that you'll always have my complete understanding and support.


With love,

Shapes and more Shapes

I teach two math groups- one is working on first grade standards and the other is working on kindergarten standards. This month, my higher group has been focusing on subtraction skills while the lower group has been focusing on shapes.

We concluded this unit by making shape clowns. I got the idea from Cutting Tiny Bites. And, boy, did my kids love it! I started by giving them each a white piece of paper and having them draw a big circle on it for the face. Then they got to pick whatever color paper they wanted to make the various parts of their clown. It also double as fine motor skills practice which my kiddos sorely need. :)

 

 

Now, I know you don't know my kiddos, but each of these clowns shows their personalities perfectly. :)

I also came to the conclusion, that I needed a behavior plan for my kiddos (well, more accurately for their parents). Sadly most of my kids' parents aren't able to communicate with them (I don't even want to talk about that). There's been a ton of behavior issues between my boys- honestly, this group of boys is not a good combination. And my poor girls are getting stuck in the middle trying to keep the boys from acting out. So...I had to come up with something. I searched around on the internet (pinterest and TPT) and found this from The Kinder Polka Dot Patch. I needed to tweak it a little bit to better fit my needs...and I'm loving it! I also translated it into Spanish for a parent of mine that doesn't speak English (man that was fun...thanks Google Translate and my amazing aide, Christina!)
I made one for each month of the year and I know it's the end of January, but I'm starting to use them tomorrow! I hope this helps.

A Month In- Phew!

So we're a month into the school year! I can't believe it. I have the exact same class I had last year which makes things nice and difficult at the same time. It's nice because it means I am able to get right back into the swing of things where we left off. It's difficult because it means I'm dealing with the exact same students I had last year- no changes. For some of these students this is the 5th year I've had them in my class...crazy, right?! It's been a whirlwind of behavior problems for some of them too. Currently I have 1 student undergoing evaluations for a social/emotional label and another one undergoing a reevaluation plan to see if there are any other cognitive issues to be discovered. In addition, I have a third student who feeds off the behaviors of others and then escalates to whatever level she feels like going to (some days she stops at pouting, others it's throwing her socks and shoes at me and toppling over desks). Some days I have all 3 students acting out...those are the days I go home and have a VERY large alcoholic drink.

In addition to all of this, I'm expected to teach 4 different grade levels this year. What?! It's as impossible as it sounds. In the same 90 minutes general education teachers have to teach 1 grade level I have to teach 4. Luckily most of my students aren't working on grade level so I really am only teaching 3 levels- but still! It's a huge disservice to our students. I don't have an aide in my room full time (really for only an hour a day) and that's a really big problem, too. I could really use someone's help!

Anyway, we've worked on a lot of things already this school year and I'm really proud of my kiddos! I'm actually trying to incorporate more thinking maps with my students this year (this is difficult as most of them are pretty abstract which is a very hard concept for deaf students to understand). I was able to successfully use a brace map with them! Yay!

I've also been getting into creating things for Teachers Pay Teachers! I'm so excited for that! I love putting things together and using really cute clipart and stuff like that. I'm addicted to it! I have to figure out which program to use to make secured PDF files though so I don't infringe on anyone's copyright rules. Anyone? What do you use? As I make things, I'll do my best to write a blog about it and then link it to my TPT store to try and keep you all updated! :)

Break time is quickly ending and I have to pick up the kiddos. Till next time!